I sat crying yesterday as I re-read the pages of a journal I had started in February about this wonderful new season God was leading me into. A season of discovery, a season of healing, a season of running forward into the plans and purposes He designed me for.
As I read the pages of that journal it wasn’t tears of disappointment or tears of discouragement; it was tears of awe in God. A reminder just how much He loves each and every one of us and looks upon each of us individually. As I had written my thoughts on paper in February, I didn’t know what was coming up in the world, but He knew. As I was reading my own words I realized just how relevant they are for today. He was settling things on my heart that I never would have imagined would bring comfort to me as I sat on Easter Sunday reflecting on the past month.
It’s been a month to the day when I got the notice that schools would be closing for two weeks, and on that day I couldn’t have known what that notification was the beginning of – where we were headed as a community, as a nation, as a world. God knew.
Today was to be the start of a “week of ministry” for healing God revealed to me in January of this year that I need. See below excerpt from my February 1 blog post titled “This time of seeking… Full access to my heart, I’m in awe.” describing this healing:
So, during this time of seeking He has revealed much to me. He has revealed my need for deeper healing and He has said I have been progressing and progressing over these past few years, which is great, but I have run into a wall and have progressed as far as I will progress until that wall is broken down. God has revealed this wall to me and He has revealed that now is His timing to break it down. Praise God!
When I wrote that blog post on February 1, I was excited that April 13, 2020 would be the start of a week of Him breaking down that wall. Such a short time away and I was full of anticipation and excitement! On February 25, about this wall, in my personal journal, I wrote, “I have to be patient. He is going to break it down. My RTF week of ministry is April 13-17. That is not too far off. I can be patient. I can wait on the Lord. This will come soon, very soon.”
The Lord had spoken so clearly in January as I was seeking Him in prayer and fasting and I was excited about all I was hearing. He had put it on my heart to travel this year, something I have never done, and explore the beauty of His creation. Another excerpt from my February 1 post:
During this time of seeking He has been telling me now is a time for discovery – discovery of who I really am in Him and more discovery of who He is. He has put it on my heart to travel with my son and, in doing so, He tells me it will help in this discovery of who I am and more of who He is.
The following is very personal and I’m being very transparent as I share this, but what the Lord has shown me, it is truth for all of you too. I hope you can be encouraged by what I’m sharing. If someone who doesn’t know the Lord happens to read this, I hope you can see a glimpse of what it’s like to have Him by your side. For those who are walking with the Lord, I hope my own personal experience is a reminder to You that He is in control; He sees you, He is near to you and He is working all things for your good. He looks upon each of us individually. He loves each and every one of us in such an amazing way we can’t fully fathom it. This level of detail He has put forth in my life, He does the same for you; you just have to have your eyes and heart open to see His hand in your life. He is there and every word He speaks is truth. He truly is working all things for your good.
So, here it is (if you can read my sloppy writing):
I hadn’t picked up that journal in fifteen days until yesterday when I decided to go back and process anything I had heard from God since beginning the journal, which I had started in early February specifically to take note of and process anything God might be speaking to me. I got to these two pages and the tears flowed. A note of what I really thought today would look like… my healing. This part He led me to write, “His ways are higher… When I look around at this world, there is so much beyond our understanding… Everything in His Word, even when it is complex and beyond our limited spectrum, is complete and solid truth.” Such truth for today. My own words, “I can be patient. I can wait on the Lord.” Such a timely reminder for today. The scripture He placed on my heart on February 26: “Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14 NKJV). There couldn’t have been a better scripture for me to read yesterday.
These two pages from my own journal are just what God wanted me to be reminded of today and I am thankful to Him that He led me to put those words on paper, when I didn’t even realize that today there would be significance in what I had written down back in February. God is so good and faithful! This is a perfect example of how He cares so deeply for us and comforts us and guides us. He is so good!
There was a potential I could have woke up discouraged this morning as I am not where I thought I would be today (in Tennessee starting my week of ministry and having that wall broke down in the way I thought it would look). You could potentially be in that place of discouragement right now as some things you were hoping for haven’t turned out the way you thought they would. But, please be encouraged, God is in control and everything you may see as falling apart or as a diversion, may very well be a big part in the masterpiece God is favorably working in your life. Don’t let what you are facing discourage you or cause you doubt; God is still working for your good and He will fulfill every promise He has spoken.
Glory and praise to God!
— So I have to add this, as God just comforted me even as I am reviewing what I just wrote and listening to worship. I have the Spotify free version so I do not choose the song and this is no coincidence. This song just came on called “Take Courage” and the lyrics she is singing go along with the scripture I just shared above from my February 26 journal entry. God is so good! He comforts us and He is always near!
“Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting
He’s in the waiting
Hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing
He’s never failing”
(from song, Take Courage by Bethel Music, Kristene DiMarco, from the album “Starlight.”)